_To kick the year off right I'm pleased to announced that my work schedule is officially unfucked. What happens next is a matter of creative drive that should only be facilitated by a steady, enhanced project budget. Currently, [proj_00]: "RPG Travel Kit" and [_01]: "Four Titles" are undergoing reconstruction. This should come as a surprise to no one.
+ [proj_00]: "RPG Travel Kit" remains the most consistent in its development structure w/ a few pointers from the AI here and there. Aesthetically there is an argument between minimalism and artistic flavoring. As always, the fat is the best part of the steak and that's where I'm going with these custom modules. For now, staying with the original plan of maintaining the core rules as faithfully as I can before going all out on custom mechanics.
+ [proj_01]: "Four Titles" has been the most difficult item on the Project Index to no one's surprise. The hard to swallow pill says that there's no easy way around game development especially on a project of this scale. Some may call it foolhardy, I call it ambitious. So far, "Four Titles" will likely be produced as standalone novellas.
_2024 Reflections & Further Analysis:
I'm not alone when I say that the past year has been tiring. Depression, anxiety, and I can honestly say that 2024 was not my year but I walked out with a few takeaways near the end there. Progress has been abysmally slow. I'm restructuring the project index to reflect the changes made in early Autumn. The issue surrounding the work schedule is dead and buried, winter started with a whole revelation of sorts...
No one comes to read the idle ramblings of a NSFW artist-especially one w/ questionable interests-but same as my art, I like to think I can preserve something online. Nothing lasts forever anyway, let's at least attempt longevity. After all, I spent the last decade socially isolating and have had my fill of solitude.
Ideas fluctuate, as do goals, and accept that if I truly wanted to play the cynic I never would've started posting in the first place. Let's push the envelope, shall we?
If I had to pick three evils that bother me the most they're certainly a lack of connection, keeping a job I need more than want, and the reality that the world can only get worse. Item no. 3 is the most fun to deal with. Earth has been on the path to Children of Men since the millennium started so brace yourself for the lamest apocalypse in fiction. Personally I don't think I'll live past 40-maybe 50 if I start eating right-and who wants to be old in this world anyway.
To quote some set-dressing in the first Dead Space game, It's ok to be fucked.
Nevertheless, doomerism is the weak man's opium. I like drawing naked women, shooting guns, and traveling to sights unseen. I could do with another couple decades of all that and then some regardless of how the world turns out. Life well lived I say.
As far as the job situation goes I need to do something to justify the reckless spending. In all honesty I hang onto the position more out of fear than pride. Brian Thompson, burn in hell, makes me realize that life without insurance is hard-lived. With this job I get city benefits, retirement, and job training because who the fuck sets their heart to work in waste management? My plan so far is to make it out as a heavy-equipment operator then head west. Likewise, this new schedule of mine starts early and ends early which opens up room for night classes or online schooling. Nothing wrong with the city I live in but I need to get the hell out of here.
Lastly, connection. I went through all of high school avoiding people as a means of self-preservation and 10 years later all it did was arrest my development. Pen names, alter egos, and burner accounts are for those who want to say what they can't. At first I tried playing the cards close to my chest but again I'm not a cynic. Everyone has something they bury in their shadow and that's territory I like to explore.
Had an epiphany with my therapist last month and realized that I need to hold ideas more lightly than jealously. Perfectionism and an unrecognized need for approval are two more dragons to slay before moving forward.