_The hardest thing for me to admit about being an artist is that I am a beginner. I don't know if others feel this way. I'm one of those who sees all the cool things people are doing, creating and want to be at that level myself. But that's not realistic, we all have to start from somewhere and build up. Difficulty comes from the realization that I am years behind people who've put so much time and effort into their craft.
It's a hard pill to swallow. My tastes go far beyond my talents. It's bothering because it never felt like there was ever enough time in the world to build anything. In all likelihood, it was my own misconceptions that held me back. It was that urge to rush. Catch up.
It still seems like there isn't enough time in the world. Call it doom-scrolling but I don't see any reason to be optimistic about our chances. 34 degrees Fahrenheit by 2050 so the science says. World War Z gave me an idea of how humans respond to disaster and it's always denial before the panic and then comes crisis. The world deteriorates in stages as one problem begets another. I could forgive the inevitable dystopia if it wasn't so mid. Instead of Bladerunner we get Children of Men. What a rip.
It isn't just climate change but anymore writing on the subject wouldn't be constructive. Damage is done. I wish I never took all that time for granted, though. Another two and a half decades is good enough for me.
On account of foreseeable economic difficulties, I'm making changes to my spending habits. It starts w/ the cancellation of any subscriptions that have an obvious free alternative. Lemme break it down for you, Mark:
>Adobe Products: Both illustrator and photoshop can be replaced w/ Inkscape and GIMP. A red flag for a company is how difficult they make it for you to leave them-this is very true of gyms. Furthermore, Adobe acts like they hate you for using their products. I'm not a professional in a creative industry so I can do w/ a free downgrade. [Replace]
>Gyms: The only reason you should get a gym membership is if you don't have access to a safe area for jogging. Otherwise there's no validity in giving away $10 or $25 per month for exercises you can do at home. Weighted hikes burn more calories anyway. I've seen the argument made that people go to gyms for community which is fair if you have a group a friends who work out together but I am not that person. [Replace]
>Spotify: Hard to let go of this one because of how dependent I am on music. I've found multiple new bands to fall in love w/ through Spotify and I honestly think there's something to lose w/o premium. Ads ruined YouTube and Spotify isn't much better about it. There's ways around it, no doubt, but I'll miss that access to artists I wouldn't discover otherwise. [Keep]
>Chat GPT: This is a divisive one and I can see why. W/ all the discussion around the ethics of using AI (especially as an artist) it isn't hard to see why letting go of the 4.0 Model should be easy. But whether it helps or harms, AI is here to stay. I use chat to enhance my workflow, not supplant it. It's an invaluable tool as a sounding board for a writer. It's also been a good assistant in developing my other projects and w/ the obsolescence of the free 3.0 model, I will have to hang on to this one. [Keep]
>Third Places: As I've said before I'm no longer isolating. But due to the nature of my work a lot of progress must be done in private. This isn't true for all of my goals, thankfully. So therein lies a balance between public/private work settings but it's not like I can sit down at a boba tea place and draw Lex and Sakura re-enacting Two Nudes Kissing. Also, you should watch Grand Budapest Hotel. [Compromise]
>Transportation: All in all, automobiles are a white elephant but we as Americans need them for everything and they are a huge fucking drain on resources. It's an expense I'm just gonna have to eat. [Fuck all I can do here]
This whole thing put my thought-train on the path of all the grievances I have w/ modern living. Honestly the future of housing looks like we may end up in favelas. Going back to the creative side of things, I have 20 or so years left to get to work. Let them be the best 25 years I can come up with. I am a beginner, my skill-level is no where near that of the people I admire and that's alright. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
I always feared building something because it always felt like there was never enough time to learn how to build. There was so much shame in being an old beginner. Not that I have a choice now. There's no race to run but my own.
2025 will be the year of surprises, most of them bad. But doomerism is philosophical suicide. No, things will not get better but we live regardless.
Errant out