_Intro:

I had a dream last night that a flying saucer hovered in place over my neighborhood. It's silver body lit up like Cerenkov radiation that beamed a signal directly into my bed room, through my window, even though I closed the blinds the night prior. A buzzing filled my skull that held like a long, low marimba note. I felt parts of my brain moving around like one of those sliding-image puzzles as if the the beam of energy was transformational-somehow. I'm reminded of my few experiences dabbling with mushrooms, lemon drops, even though I've been straight for over a year.

Even now I feel the residual vibrations in my cranium, like the aftermath of a bumpy car-ride over an unpaved road. I want to believe the signal was transformational somehow, as if all my previous mental barriers had been rearranged, the synapses reset. If I could, I would thank the aliens for the improvement because now I no longer have the same feelings of self-doubt that were present yesterday.

_What The Science Says:

I'm no neurology expert but the most likely explanation is some kind of intense, hypnagogic experience not too dissimilar to that of a seizure. For about a month I've been training my brain for lucid dreaming and I think this marks a stepping stone in the journey, because one thing I know for certain is that the dream felt very real. Most likely it was some spike in brain activity that was deciphered as an alien encounter but I'm still hopeful for the transformational aspect of it.

Nothing seemed off about my sleep hygiene. At least not enough to warrant medical concern. My uncle was once abducted by aliens, him and his wife while they were staying the night on their houseboat. My grandma told me that story, said my uncle and his wife woke up with a strange piece of metal logged in their noses. Hehe.

_What to take away from this:

If the transformational side of it is to believed, I think the biggest barrier to improvement was the internalized belief that it was impossible. An involuntary fixed-mindset. What that dream means to me is that subconsciously I truly wanted to improve but doing so meant cleaning house. If the brain works primarily on electrical impulse, then it stands to reason that high activity would feel like some kind of buzz along with auditory hallucinations. But can the brain rewire itself overnight?

Perhaps not in the way we think but I believe that sleep is the brain's way of "defragging" itself. Move the furniture around, ya now? And if you're rearranging the decor, may as well throw out the junk that no longer fits your design motif. Good opportunity to downsize on self-doubt, right?

So let's run with it. I looked at some videos from Draw Like a Sir on improving art skills but from what I seen, improving art is not only about improving hand-eye coordination but more so updating your visual understanding. Artists see the world differently, they look at something like a hospital and their brain takes it apart into shapes, weighs proportions, perspectives and shit. When people say they can't draw, it's not that they can't but what they're missing is the understanding. Learning a skill is like modding a game, you're just uploading a new script for your .exe to work with. At least that's how I think it goes-I'm not a fucking programmer...yet.

_On Fixed Mindsets and Brain-Modding:

I like that analogy-brain modding. Changing the way you break down visual information should be no different than a UI overhaul for New Vegas. Just changing the way you process shit, right? Same logic should apply for any skill. Someone who says, "That skill ain't for me," or "I just can't", may as well be saying, "I'm fine with the vanilla game". I used to think programming was impossible until I got PyCharm to say 'Hello World'. Sure, maybe you're gonna pick something up quicker than other skills depending on your interests. There was a time I thought the ability to take down an AR-15 for cleaning was magic. Until I did it myself-the guys at the gun shop were really helpful.

Self-doubt is a curse put on you by yourself or another. But it's a cure that can be removed. All it took for me was an alien spaceship and some Chernobyl-beams. I wonder what Mr. Kyle Hill's thoughts are about that. So what's on today's agenda? Let's do another drawing, apply somethings we learned.

_On Valkyria Chronicles:

Picked the game up during a steam sale and been hooked ever since. I want to call it virtual table-top wargaming but utilizes squad-based tactics instead of sprawling fields of units. It's a good game for those who like puzzles, like it when a plan comes together, and what I understand about the game is that it challenges your logical skills. It's truly a game that encourages experimentation with your units, measure the battlefield against the specific roles of the classes, play with different strategies to capture the enemy base with the fewest moves.

That's the heart of why games are so fun, learn the rules, experiment with different strategies to achieve a victory-condition. I wonder what kind of re-wiring the brain undergoes when someone dives into a game session. How does the brain of a competitive FPS player differ from someone into tabletop Warhammer?

_Closing Thoughts:

I wish there was more to say on the topic but I'm not all that versed in neuro-science. But I'm still enthused about the self-improvement angle, learn the things I want to learn so I can finally move forward with my projects. Best to avoid that language, though. It invites an old mindset that's stirred up by certain phrases. Moving on means a new manner of speaking, associations and all that.

It's impressive the way humans are able to reinvent themselves once they're conscious of their ability to do so. Forgot my headphones so any more learning on the subject of art is gonna go the way of step-by-step How To's, PDFs, any other media besides video. As for writing, though...hmm, that's an interesting one. How to understand the challenge of writing. I'll have to follow up on that once I do some reading first.

-Errant out