_Because I got fed up with all the ads on YouTube, I started watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. With nothing substantial on my schedule, I decided the best use of the day was to organize everything so I can prepare for the week and having a clean room makes all the difference. It could be my Gen Z brain but I prefer to have some kind of noise going on in the background and Hunter S. Thompson always gets me in the mood for writing. Right now it's better to reset because I'm at a point now where I have to get serious about my setting up a future—jobs, education, all that noise. When my dad told me to start putting something into motion he was, of course, talking about a career. I don't believe in it... Stability feels like an illusion regardless of who's president so total dedication to a job looks like a tremendous waste of energy.

But stepping into the headspace for goal-setting takes a parking spot that could be filled by anxiety or another. I'll never get over what he said about me living in a world of abstraction even though there's truth to it. I think he just wants me to be specific about the path ahead, even more so than accepting that I'll just go back to school. Getting registered for a degree in water utilities helped put his mind to rest, now it's just a matter of preparing for the Fall Semester to give myself the best odds at achievement.

Truth be told, my parents don't really care what I do so long as I meet a small checklist of requirements: a home, food, health insurance, a vehicle that runs, and money to save for a tragedy. But most of what that all comes down to is where you live, what you do, and who you know, and it's hard to care about any of that shit when you're starting to see your end of the social contract getting ripped to shreds. Be that as it may, I don't know what else I'm gonna do. I'm not able to profit off my work just yet so the only way forward is to be realistic. Another thing moving forward is that all fear should be irrelevant. All it's done is to keep me in my own head playing video games again to "unwind". No, I'm due for a change.

_So what about my art? I have to get serious about that, too. Just like education, fear had kept me from starting and it was easier to stay abstract about those goals. Being realistic doesn't mean I have to give up on anything and anyone who says otherwise can go soak their head. I like shooting guns and drinking craft beer and drawing naked women. Video games are fun but I already got my fill—about 15 years worth. I like Van Halen and cheeseburgers and going for drives with my girlfriend. And there's more of that if I have the funds to do so. I've always wanted to write a book in a tavern, I just need more money, Arthur.

_As I keep telling myself the way out of a tunnel is forward. Not sure how to tie this entry off so I'll end on the three basic things every story needs. You need plot, a setting, and characters. More to follow.

—Errant out