The lower you go on Maslow's hierarchy of needs the more you interact with the reptile brain. Last night I talked a little bit about basic needs modern people should strive for (house, food, etc.) but far below that is when you enter hypothalamus and basal ganglia territory, the type of shit so primordial that it can override a person's sense of reason if they're pushed to it. I'm talking about needs like sleep, food, sex, personal space, and I'm not being unreasonable when I say that interfering with any of these is a surefire way of pushing someone into psychopathy.

I am 3 hours awake before my alarm is set to go off and it has to do with this fucking cat relentlessly meowing because it wants food in a bowl that has food. As much as I want to be a more empathetic, reasonable person this year, this is the kind of bullshit that makes me want to break something. If your sleep is consistently fucked with for the stupidest reason, you are not going to make decisions you otherwise would. I cannot be bothered to think rationally right now.

Everything is so grating to me this morning that this entry could very easily turn towards psycho-posting. DO NOT FUCK WITH PEOPLE'S SLEEP.

Outta my head. I still have the power. Evelyn would not ponder the shit that I am right now. But like I said, everyone's got a hierarchy of needs and if you interfere with anything closer to the bottom you're asking for trouble. It's a cat, it's a hamster, these creatures aren't conspiring against me, they have their own needs they're trying to fulfill even if it interferes with a diurnal animal like myself. That's why parents are so fucking rude, they did not get an undisturbed hour of rest, and unlike a cat you cannot simply get rid of a human baby. So how do we salvage the morning?

I am due that protein breakfast. The John Cena bar and muscle milk, 40 grams with the strawberry flavor should god allow it. I am watching Land of the Dead as I write this because I have no patience for YouTube's ads right now. There has to be some lapse in judgement, a fault in the mind, if entrepreneurs and companies and businesses think that persistent advertisement isn't going to make someone hate their product. It could be the fucking miracle drug that cures dementia, cancer, and a runny nose all in one but if it's in a 40 second unskippable ad then I will pray that whatever factory making it is lost to a devastating chemical fire and then their shareholders pull out.

This is what running on barely four hours does to a person, I cannot even try again because anything that sounds remotely similar to a cat's meow wakes me up. I do not like that. They call it cats training their owners but I resent that idea unfathomably. This little four-legged serial killer manipulating a human's parental instincts to their benefit? No, that is a too much for me to process this early morning.

I still have the power, back on track. Fuck, I'm seeing firsthand how closely sleep deprivation is tied to anxiety. Guns. I like guns, I shot a battery because it was easier than taking it to the proper facility, blew up like an m80 once I finally landed a shot. Either I'm that bad or glock sights are ass. Guns and ground beef, I like making stuff with ground beef especially pasta. Got some 90% lean defrosting in the fridge as we speak, gonna add some of that bowtie stuff once I pick up more cheese. Do I got tomato sauce? There better be a jar of prego somewhere in this house. Food and sleep, do not take that away from a human.

That's why Skynet's destined to lose, and the covenant, and the reapers. If you take sleep, food, or sex away from a human then we will make the Siege of Stalingrad look like Stardew Valley with the levels of cruelty we will inflict on anything that triggers our reptile brains.

I don't like Asia Argento but she looks so fine in Land of the Dead, that fishnet and mini-skirt aesthetic was fundamental to designing Lexine's character down to the haircut. I should try drawing Lex again. Her and Evie who would also take to writing as a way to salvage this. Evie—like me—would also struggle with controlling negative emotions as a result of being on the spectrum. It doesn't help either that I never had someone to model that type of emotional restraint after. But if I had to watch a video of myself throwing something before screaming at a cat I would gravely regret my lack of control. And that's why she's there.

Early mornings are so beautiful, serene in an almost alien way out here in the desert and that's what I'm gonna takeaway from being woken up so early. The east side of town gets this soft blue that meets with indigo every summer. And the sun is absolutely golden when it climbs over those mountains. I might even leave the house an hour early just to watch it rise, up on my graboid rock, bottle of muscle milk in hand.

—Errant out