_Intro: I am not a moralist. I remember starting this year taking to Newgrounds about some of my concerns regarding politics, human connection, woes about loneliness and insecurity. But this trip to San Diego helped me figure out something that I forgot a long time ago. I don't do any of that stuff. Obsessing over politics is for lotus eaters and tailoring my work to be more accessible is antithetical to what I want Errant Vulture to be. Lechery is the point. Lewdity, NSFW, it may not be the whole spear but it's certainly the tip of it.
Authenticity can be ugly, it can be shameful. However, one thing I figured out after a day at the beach is that mulling over your shame and walling off because of it is a good way to get stuck up your own ass. I fist-bumped a dude on a bike, watched a Boeing V-22 Osprey hover across the beach, and saw that Falcon-9 rocket light up like a shooting star. I'm back, baby.
_The Fightback and Connectivity: The Fightback is as much of a spiritual fight as much as it is a material goal—did I say something like that already?—and part of what arrested my development in the first place was that willingness to easily go with what my fears were telling me. I won't go into it because this is not therapy but I will say that the fear is evaporating. Same goes for art, writing, yada yada. And with that in mind I will say that I am not turned off to the idea of using my art to build bridges (whatever the piece may be) but doing so is not my top priority.
Making friends and spending quality time with them is instrumental to living a good life, don't get me wrong. But Errant Vulture (or my pen name EV Weller) is not the channel to pursue that goal. This persona was always about pursuing my wants whether I could or could not have them. I very much like working with the id and that's how I move forward.
_Closing Thoughts: I thought I'd write more but I'm sleepy and we're going to SeaWorld tomorrow and no, I didn't see Black Fish. I want to end on the note that if you find what you love (even a glimpse of it) is worth pursuing. It's why I left my job at the garbage dump, it was a total waste of time, and life felt like it was moving on without me the longer I stayed there. I like California. Driving here, walking Mission Beach, it reminded me of why I started creating in the first place. The path forward is two-fold now and it's time to walk them both. One for Errant Vulture and the other for my real identity. Saying no to self-doubt is worth it in the end.